The Disinherited Child

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 00:29:39 GMT

Oh facebook! This morning I got a message from a fellow Amanda Clarke who wished me happy St. Patty's and sent me some name info. Aside from learning that Clarke is the 32nd most common surname in Ireland, I also discovered that there are O'Clarkes oddly enough. Apparently the name comes from O'Cleireigh which translates into O'Cleary and was then anglicized to O'Clarke and Clarke. Thank you facebook namesharer!

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 23:38:51 GMT

so you know what is weirder than the musical episode of _Buffy_, the musical episode of _Buffy_in French. I will never turn to channel 47 again, well ok, I might, but it's going to take some time to get over the shock!

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 23:25:41 GMT

I think I need to stop hanging out in the lounge...first Michele Lamarche tried to con me into going to the Arts Ball and then Marley Davidson threatened bodily harm if I didn't invite everyone I know to the OAR release (she then violently threw a book onto the table so I think she was serious!). Apparently, she is going to check my facebook to make sure I've sent the invitations...so I hope she doesn't kill any of you if you don't show up! Good luck!

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 18:57:41 GMT

ok, so I sat down and tried to meditate (it never works for me because I can't clear my mind or sit still), but I really, really tried this time. I memorized all of the steps to the anxiety/anger cleansing meditation in the yoga book my bro gave me for xmas and made it all the way to the last step "give a voice to the emotion you are feeling", which resulted in me screaming and then crying. Not only do I not feel any calmer, I also feel like I am way more angry than I thought.

well, now that I have errr..."connected with my inner being" (my very angry inner being) I am off to get ready for xmas dinner #2.

Can't wait for the holidays to be over!!!!!

Productivity

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 02:17:59 GMT

ok...so I skipped out of 18th-cen. lit early, but I have one whole, fully formed page of my seminar essay, 10 pages of meticulously arranged notes and quotations, and a vague outline floating around in my head...I think missing one hour of 18th-cen. is worth not completely falling part around 2am!

By 2am I hope to have half the paper done, then I'll sleep, then from 5am-10am I'll finish the rest of the paper, which will be edited on the weekend. From 10am tomorrow until 4pm I'll study 16th-cen., and then from 4pm until 2pm Thursday I'll study Greek civ. Following that exam I'll continue studying 16th-cen. and then I'll die on the floor of the lounge....

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 18:52:05 GMT

For some reason the library was totally full at 10am this morning...also someone followed me with a laser pointer...I was at a computer downstairs and then there was this red dot on the column in front of me so I turned around quickly only to see the arm of a white coat disappear near the elevator, so I kept searching and then it happened again...so I went upstairs, where it continued to happen and then I finally just left the library....

And...I'm not in a good spot on the To-Do list.

Monday: One essay 1/2 edited - wtf was I thinking?--update--Essay Done
Tuesday: Essay done
Wednesday: STUDY
Thursday: Greek Exam Readings--1/2 done
Friday: 16th Cen. Exam The Faerie Queen--done
Monday: Research Paper for seminar--research re-started (totally screwed) & Emergence of Imagination Exam (haven't re-read LOTR)
Tuesday: 18th Cen. Exam - haven't re-read anything!

I have created self-imposed deadlines for everything and I'm not allowed to eat or sleep until I have met them, hopefully this works!

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 22:01:49 GMT

Ewww...it's soooo gross outside. It took me an hour to get home and I am drenched and there are ice crystals in my hair...shiver. I just want tea, cookies, and cuddles but I have to write my stupid essay...grr....

7:13pm update---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't started the essay...I plan to get up early tomorrow to do it. It'll be ok, it'll be ok. Also, my mom called to tell me all about my chinese horoscope...I am apparently a "wood ox", which means I am "traditional, accommodating, ethical, fair-minded and motivated by honesty, but also stubborn and shy" and my most compatible mates are of the rabbit sign...that could explain why I love bunnies so much!

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 19:23:19 GMT

I have officially maxed out the number of books I am allowed from the library...it's going to a long week!

Essay 1 of 3

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 16:41:07 GMT

two more pages and I'm done essay 1/3...so excited, so excited!!!

Phase 2: demolition and massive reconstruction of essay...uhhh.

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 03:07:33 GMT

I feel like I have been awake forever and accomplished nothing...I even made a to-do list specifically for today, after I had completed everything, just so I could check things off, it's pathetic:

Read Man for All Seasons...check.
Laundry...check.
Groceries...check.
Cleaning...check.
Sort Winter/Summer clothes...check.
Re-organize closet...check.
Read Lord of the Flies...check.
Get xmas wish list from family/friends...half-check.
Re-read presentation materials for tomorrow...check.
Read Faerie Queen stuff...half-check.
Start 18th century Essay outline...errr...I read the topics....

It looks like an actual list, but that is only because I counted my distractions as "vital" parts of a to-do list...uhhh...I'm just lucky it doesn't say...have tea...check, read French smut...check, etc.

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 00:02:40 GMT

Sat. night: it's cold and wet and gross outside, I just returned from my aunt's where I left my lil' brother.... My mom called to see what I was doing...my answer was: I had a martini, two glasses of wine and now I'm hanging some Degas in my hallway. As soon as I'm done this I'm going to have some cookies and read.... The excitement is almost unbearable!

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 01:10:41 GMT

does anyone know anything about this Ulysses based movie http://dvdtoile.com/Film.php?id=35878 ? And why isn't Stephen wearing the hat?

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 01:53:03 GMT

uhhh...grr...everything annoys me so much right now! I just want a day off, half a day off even, where I will be left alone with my book and thoughts.... I would also settle for sleeping in a little later than 5am....

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 03:25:10 GMT

ewww.... I thought with the moving I would eliminate some of my bug problems but apparently the bugs have followed me...only they have mutated. I was used to the ants and the spiders and the dust mites and the silver fish, the occasional centipede and once a catepillar just hanging out in my room at R's, but tonight in the shower at my aunt's I discovered some kind of weird bug I have never even seen before.... Long, black, kind of like a cricket but skinnier and its head seems to move independently from its body.... I'm grossed out it has been washed down the drain....

In other news I think I'm only a couple of thousand short to cover next year, still don't know where I'm going to live...hopefully not back at R.'s, waiting for Shawn to find out if he's going to Sudbury and I think I'm going to use my student loan to go to Europe next May...seriously. mmmmm...and most importantly I will definitely not be finished my Bau. translations by my expected deadline of uhhh...next week...I'm soooo behind.

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 23:50:28 GMT

I know it's hot but I so just want to snuggle and read _Cosmopolis_ so badly, if I could just find someone/thing that didn't think I was a member of the undead....

A bunch of random stuff

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 02:47:36 GMT

I think I'm finally starting to recover from my recent sleepiness.... I was soooo tired at the beginning of the week it was unbelievable.... I'm sorry for all the spelling/grammar mistakes in recent posts...I'm sure they're abundant.

Thanks for the wandering tonight guys, I needed that! I think the astrology section is growing on me!

I hope to get some translating time in soon...I miss Baudelaire soooo much!

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 03:56:04 GMT

uhhh...I just finished a 16 hour shift in hell.... *snuggles into pillow to prepare for yet another day...and hopefully a day off in the near future*

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 03:25:17 GMT

so this was odd:

On the way home tonight an older woman walking her three dogs came around a corner very quickly, glanced at me and began backing away like I was going to attack her. Then, from a distance of ten feet or so, after I had approached the street light, she said to the dogs "oh, it's ok it's just a girl."

I was waiting for the light to change when she approached very cautiously and said "I'm sorry, I've seen a lot of scary movies lately and you're so pale and your hair is so dark that I was sort of frightened for a minute...." Then she walked away....

I'm not even sure what to make of the encounter....

Tue, 30 May 2006 23:03:43 GMT

I was in the library yesterday sitting at a desk, seconds from tears when I looked up and saw "I love you, yes you!" scrawled on the wall in front of me...the experience was slightly short of life affirming. So for everyone else who needs to hear or read said message:

Je t'adore! *hugs*

Thu, 25 May 2006 21:53:36 GMT

so while Baudelaire makes me incredibly happy, I think I'm also starting to understand that it's probably not good reading material if you're prone to thinking everything sucks. Everytime I finish a poem now I think "why do I even bother getting up in the morning? The sheer joy I associate with toast and coffee?" and more importantly "How the hell am I still alive?" And then I start a new poem, there is a momentary glimpse of glee, and then "why do I even bother...".

Oh...if I haven't told you about Vampire Loves yet click here: http://www.lastgasp.com/d/28708/

more lyrics

Thu, 18 May 2006 19:40:52 GMT

..."Come on, come on
You think you drive me crazy
Come on, come on"....

Also, MTV has claimed a generation, us, *shudder*...don't believe me...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MTV_Generation
At the bottom it gives a list of things you will remember if you are an MTV child and Atari is one of them. My brother and I loved our Atari to death...literally...there are tentative plans to bring it back.

Tue, 16 May 2006 22:18:15 GMT

Received my update from FSWEP, apparently Foreign Affairs has decided they don't want any of the last five people they interviewed -- including me.... I am so fucked (sorry!).... I have no idea what I'm going to do.... I talked to my mom, who is more concerned about my not having a husband than about my not having enough money to get through the summer and next year...she kindly reminded me that I've already spent $30,000 and still don't have any employable skills.... I mean, techinically I've only been job searching for two weeks, but it feels like it's taking forever to find some kind of security.

I'd be willing to sell ze translations and my Van Gogh lino prints for $8,000 if anyone is interested.

Mon, 15 May 2006 20:55:57 GMT

My child, I mean computer, was finally released today. I have lost everything, including almost 3 years of software updates, but my music folder will be recoverable once I've updated to the proper version and then I'll be able to charge my poor little drained ipod. The return home will be celebrated with a 12.1 in screening of the original Night of the Living Dead.

So what I have learned is that if I'm going to live in one room with no tv, radio, cd player, people or pets, and I'm going to shun my family, I really need to take better care of my computer. I did manage to read 5 books in the 5 days it was gone tho.

7:06-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Um. I've been really tired and spaced out lately, mostly because my body and mind seem to have conflicting schedules, but I didn't realize how out of it I was until I wandered upstairs to grab a coffee and leave installment 2 of my rent for R. and left, not the money, but a copy of The Sound and the Fury. I realized the book was missing when I got back to my room...thank god. Anyway, half an hour later I started re-typing the translations of Les fleurs, when I started to cry because Baudelaire was dead (I have no explanation). So I think I'm going to try to go to sleep tonight and not stay up pondering the inevitable end of everything.

Fri, 12 May 2006 18:38:50 GMT

The man at the computer store called to tell me my hard drive wasn't wiped out...it's being completely replaced...he left my computer on last night to run diagnostic tests and it died. Thankfully, my warranty covers it and he managed to save my user's folder....

Benediction

Fri, 05 May 2006 00:54:38 GMT

>Translating Baudelaire - first sketchy attempt, I'm trying to keep it as literal as possible...please help!

When, by a decree of the Supreme power,
The poet appears in this bored world,
His mother terrified and filled with blasphemies
Clenches her fists at God, who takes pity on her:

'Ah! why was I not made to bear a nest of vipers,
Rather than nourish this derision!
Cursed be the night of ephemeral pleasures
When my womb conceived my atonement!

Since you have chosen me from all women
To be the disgust of my sorrowful spouse,
And since I cannot throw into the flames,
Like a love-note, this stunted monster,

I will reflect your hate which overcomes me
On the cursed agent of your wickedness,
And I will twist so well that miserable tree,
That it will be unable to push forth its infected buds!

She swallows thus the froth of her hate,
And does not understand the eternal designs,
She herself prepares at the bottom of the Gehenna
The pyres consecrated to maternal crimes.

Still, under the invisible care of an angel,
The disinherited child revels in the sun,
And in all he eats and all he drinks
He finds ambrosia and ruddy nectar.

He plays with the wind, speaks with the clouds,
And delights in singing of the road to the cross;
And the spirit that follows him in his pilgrimage
Weeps to see him merry like a bird in the woods.

Those he wants to love observe him with dread,
Or, emboldened by his tranquility,
Search for ways to draw out a complaint,
And try on him their ferocity.

In the bread destined for his mouth
They mix ashes with filthy spit;
With hypocrisy they throw out what he touches,
And accuse their feet for putting them in his steps.

In public places his mistress cries:
'Since he finds me beautiful enough to adore,
I will use the arts of ancient idols,
Like them I desire to regild myself;

I will glut myself with nard, incense and myrrh,
With genuflections, meats, and wines,
To know if I can in a heart that admires me
Laughingly usurp divine homages!

And, when I tire of these imperious forces,
I'll set on him my frail and sturdy hand;
And my nails, like harpies claws,
Right to his heart will clear a path.

Like a young bird that trembles and palpitates,
I'll dig out that heart all red with his blood,
And, to satisfy my favourite beast,
I'll throw it to the ground with disdain!'

Towards heaven, where his eye sees a splendid throne,
The placid poet lifts his pious arms,
And the vast flashes of his lucid spirit
Hide from his view the furious people:

--'Be blessed, my Lord, who gives us suffering
Like a divine remedy for our impurities
And like the best and purest essence
That prepares the strong for sacred ecstasies!

I know that you save a place for the poet
In the blessed order of sacred Legions,
And that you invite to the eternal feast
The Thrones, the Virtues, and the Dominations.

I know that sorrow is a singular nobleness
Where earth and hell can never take hold,
And to weave my mystic crown I must
Charge all of time and all the universes.

But the jewels lost from ancient Palmyre,
The unknown metals, the pearls of the sea,
By your hand set, could not equal
This dazzling and clear diadem;

Since it is made of pure light,
Drawn from the holy hearth of primitive rays,
And of which mortal eyes, in their absolute splendor,
Are but mirrors darkened and doleful!'